Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 25 March 2011

image for Rob Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, and Vanessa Hudgens To Star In "And Then I'm Gonna... - Professional Wrestling's Art of Trash Talking"
Rob Pattinson (in the blue trunks) rehearsing a scene from his new wrestling movie.

LOS ANGELES - The star of the Twilight series is finally realizing his all-time desire and that is to star in a wrestling movie.

Rob Pattinson said that as a kid he grew up watching old television wrestling videos and cheering on such childhood stars as Hulk Hogan, Bruiser Brody, and the first family of wrestling The Von Erich's.

RPattz said that he actually memorized the words to the wrestling theme songs of over 95 wrestlers including "La Bamba" by the much-hated Iron Sheik.

Pattinson told Tequila Tallyho of Left Coast Mirror Magazine that he vividly recalls one time getting so engrossed in the wrestling theatrics that without thinking he picked up his 91-year-old great-grandmother Lulu "Snuggles" Buttersnipe and actually body slammed her onto the living room rug.

Luckily for Rob, Granny Snuggles was in excellent shape and it did not really hurt her one bit. Although it did cause her dentures to fly right out of her mouth hitting the family pet woodchuck, Woody Boy and knocking him out until the next door neighbor was able to run over and give it CPR.

Taylor Lautner told LC2M that he too loved watching wrestling but that he leaned more toward the villains such as King Kong Bundy, Ric Flair, and The Road Warriors.

Lautner smiled and said that although he never got the urge to body slam anyone and especially not an elderly relative he did like to walk around in his white Fruit-of-The-Loom briefs and pretend that he was the WWE wrestling champion.

He said that he quickly stopped this little habit, when his aunt Sangria Jo Lautner, the Lautner family practical joker, took a photograph of him in his briefs and showed it to some of her church going lady friends.

Meanwhile Vanessa Hudgens said that she was way too busy dressing up her toy dolls Barbie, Ken, Skipper, and Tootles to pay any attention to the yicky (her words) world of wrestling.

The film And Then I'm Gonna... - Professional Wrestling's Art of Trash Talking was written by Rocotillo Baddabing whose uncle Tony "The Baloney" Baddabing was a semi-pro wrestler and first started teaching little Rocotillo the different wrestling moves, holds, and trash talking phrases at the young tender age of 18 months.

Rocotillo said that sad to say his uncle Tony was arrested a few years ago for trying to smuggle thousands of counterfeit frozen enchilada dinners from Mexico into the United States.

RPattz said that their movie should be out in time for The 17th Annual Wrestling Crossface Chicken Wing Suplex Festival in International Falls, Minnesota which is held the first weekend in June.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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