Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 25 March 2011

image for Kirstie Alley Tells George Lopez To Stop With The "Fat Jokes" Or Else She'll Bite Off Both Of His Lips
Since starting her rehearsals on DWTS Kirstie has cut back on her daily consumption of 'Big Macs' from 7 to 6.

LOS ANGELES - Kirstie Alley who literally surprised everyone with her very good dance performance on Dancing With The Stars has let talk show host George Lopez know that he had better stop making fun of her weight and stop with the 'fat jokes.'

The actress who last year weighed 409 pounds has dropped 173 pounds in the amazing span of three months, and she did it without the benefit of gastric bypass surgery like Star "The Attitude" Jones did, or whatever Carrie "The Beach Baby" Wilson did, or even whatever Jennifer "The American Idol Sista" Hudson did.

Alley, who is down to 236, which as everyone knows is still a hell of a lot of poundage, but at least it ain't no ridiculously humongous 409! has received thousands of emails, text messages, and calls from fans and friends telling her how proud they are of her dancing ability on DWTS.

One fan from Pocatello, Idaho, Pansy Bassoonbocker, 31, said that Kirstie showed America that just because a woman is chubby as all get out does not necessarily mean that she can't dance.

Yes, true it means she can't do the limbo, climb a tree anywhere near as fast as Miley Cyrus, or only eat one hot dog like Keira Knightley can do but still.

George Lopez allegedly remarked on his talk show that he will kiss Bruno Tonioli, the gaytalian judge on the mouth if during an upcoming live televised dance routine her dance partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, "The Bad Boy of The Ball Room" twirls Kirstie over his head.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I think that Lopez may have heard about the clause in Maksim's 2011 contract that states that under no circumstances is he to risk serious injury or worse by attempting to put Kirstie Alley in an area anywhere above his shoulders.]

Lopez went on to say that he heard that during the third day of rehearsals that Kirstie accidentally did the splits and the show's producers had to call a tow truck to pick her up off the floor.

He also noted that Alley has insisted that she take a food break after practicing for 15 minutes.

Lopez told his audience that because of her food demands the shows executive producer Bernadette Penderlicki has rented a rehearsal hall that is located right next door to a McDonald's so that a DWTS assistant can run over to the restaurant, place an order, and be back with Kirstie's food in seven minutes.

Kirstie informed USA DAYBREAK that if George Lopez insists on continuing with the 'fat jokes' she will have no choice but to bite off both of his lips.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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