AVOCADO HEIGHTS - Miley Cyrus was having lunch with her father the former country music singer Billy Ray Cyrus at a local Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos.
She and her dad were discussing her future and in what direction she exactly wants it to go. Miley looked puzzled as she took a bite of her Macho Nachos and washed it down with a sip of her Diet Dr. Pepper.
Her dad was chowing down on an El Supremo Seven-Item Burrito Grandisimo. He however, was washing it down with a glass of Jose Cuervo Tequila on the Rocks.
Miley said that she knows that she does not want to end up like Courtney Love, Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen.
Her dad put down his Burrito and gave her a high five. He told her that she had just jumped onto the road to happiness, health, and much, much more dinero (money) than she could possibly shake a lap dancing pole at, if of course one could even possibly shake a lap dancing pole.
Miley then confided to her dad, that three days ago she had received a text message from Sheen asking her for advice. She said that she was shocked especially since she is only 18 and Sheen is 65.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Actually, while Charlie Sheen may in fact look 65, he is really only 45].
Miley told her dad that she agreed to meet with Sheen in the parking lot of a Pompous Pizza Parlor in El Segundo because she was afraid that he was getting very close to self-destructing.
She said that she listened to him talk about tiger blood, winning, trolls, Detroit, Jon Cryer, hula hoops, Sarah Palin, The Cleveland Indians, onomatopoeia, TSA pat downs, and the humongous size of Venus Williams' thighs.
And afterwards she said that she told him that he really needs to get a dog.
He looked at her with his head cocked sideways looking like Nipper, the old RCA Victor dog and told her that she had probably given him the answer.
He thanked her. He handed her a $100 bill and said that he was going to find the nearest pet store and buy a dog.
Miley told her dad that she was glad that she perhaps has helped to steer Carlos Estevez in the right direction.
Billy Ray Cyrus looked at his daughter and with tears of joy in his eyes asked, "Charlie Sheen talked to you about onomatopoeia?"