APP -- Victoria's Secret Model Tyra Banks today launched a new, and provocative reality show in which supermodels, models, and just plain women will have their breasts examined and checked for implants. Guest "examiners" on the show will include Dr. Phil, and CSI team leader Gil Grissom. Male viewers will, by way of the Internet, be able to cast their vote for "real versus fake" after viewing downloadable sonograms, and actual breast images.
"Reality" TV shows starting with programs with Survivor, and Big Brother, in which participants using their real names competed for a prize. They quickly rose in the ratings, and are beloved by networks because of their low production costs. "There are few things men like viewing more than boobs, and REAL boobs, on a REALITY show, ought to go to #1" say producer Jerry Truckheimer.
The new show will continue to "sneak a peak" at celebrity breasts, including Pam Anderson, Paris Hilton, and others, while hoping to keep its "R" rating which means it can't be shown before 7pm in the evening, 6pm on the West Coast, where morals are decidedly lower. In contrast to "Jiggle TV," such as Charlies Angels and Baywatch, no fabric will intervene between viewers and the objects of their imagination.
Internet viewers will, (ahem, for a small fee) be able to download full frontal images of the "breasts of the week" supermodel and vote on size, shape, color, and so forth. There will be categories for torpoedos, pyramids, cantelopes, melons, perky-uns, big-uns, super big-uns, bee stings, and "just nice" hooters.
Bert Parks, former host of the Miss America contest, formerly in Atlantic City, along with Ahnold Schwarzenneger will appear as "Guest Gropers" who "accidentally cop a feel" the same way Chevy Chase used to always fall down on Saturday Night Live. Each week, the celebrity will get an "accidental" groping to the delight of studio and home audiences.
Other segments on the program will include the "bumpy treadmill" designed to get celebrity mammaries heaving up and down similar to when girls run. A "Deflect-O-Meter" will help the guest examiner use this information to decide "real versus fake." After this comes the ice cube in little circles test.
Supermodels, long known for having little upstairs and a lot to get off their chests, have indulged their self-fantasies with major cocaine habits, marrying country music stars, and now, attempting to prove to their world that their headlights are indeed made by GE, not Medtronics.