Written by Charpa93
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Tuesday, 22 March 2011

image for Charlie Sheen's "Tiger Sex Tour" Sells Out Across America
Tiger Sex Tour is "G" rated.

Charlie Sheen is capitalizing on his own success and leaving everyone else in the wake, including CBS. His latest venture is the Tiger Sex Tour which, at last count, is scheduled to open in 300 theaters across America as well as two theaters in Canada.

"Me and the dollbabies, or whatever I'm calling them this week, are making our way across the Americas because America needs us," said Sheen. "After America, who knows? We may end up on the moon or Mars. You know I don't like limitations."

Someone has made the observation that in order to appear in 302 theaters in the space of one year means that Sheen would almost have to do a show a night with very little time off.

"Ah," responded Sheen with his signature 'gotcha' logic. "That's where the speed comes in. I now have a perfect excuse for doing drugs. I mean, seriously, to make money in this business, you do what you have to do. I'm pretty sure all my therapists and even Dr. Drew would agree with that."

Asked if he was serious when he said that his show could end up on the moon or Mars, Sheen told reporters "C'mon, what do you take me for, a schmoe? I was just using those as an example as to how far out my show can get. You think drinking chocolate milk in my kitchen is gonna draw crowds? No. But the hope that I might end up drinking chocolate milk in space, now that's gonna get people to shell out hundreds to see me at least try."

Speaking of far out, Sheen wants everyone to know that just because the name of the show is "Tiger Sex Tour," it will not include anything having to do with golf, Tiger Woods, or sex. "In fact," says Sheen, "we expect to do a couple of matinees so that the kiddies can come to the show to see what ole Uncle Charlie is up to as well. In fact," he bragged, "forget the circus. This is gonna be way better."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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