Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 21 March 2011

image for The Reason Derek Hough and Julianne Hough Are Not Participating In This Year's "Dancing With The Stars"
A poll taken of U.S. males between 18 and 38 showed that 93% agree that Edyta Sliwinska is the sexiest DWTS dancer ever.

HOLLYWOOD - The twelfth season of Dancing With The Stars has kicked off and all the front line regulars are back.

Tom "The Quick Wit" Bergeron is back as is his co-host Brooke "You All Know I'm Sexy" Burke.

And sitting at the judges table are the three judges who have been called everything from "The Three Stooges" to "The Clueless Trio From Theatrical Town."

In order of age the three judges are; Len "The Crotchety Grouch" Goodman, who hails from merry olde England. Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli who pranced in from Italia. And "The Princess of The Philippines" herself Carrie Ann Inaba.

But as far as the professional dancers go, two very noticeable favorites who are missing are Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough who along with Jennifer Grey won last year's coveted Mirror Ball Trophy, and his little sister, Julianne "Las Legs" Hough, the gorgeously sexy girlfriend of the lucky-as-hell host of American Idol Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest.

Left Coast Mirror Magazine reported that Derek took the year off so that he could spend as much time as he possibly could with his stunningly sensuous British babe of a honey, Cheryl Cole, or Chezza as her very good friend Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" calls her.

And Julianne decided to pass up the DWTS gig up this year so that she can spend time with her future husband "Peaches" Seacrest at his Hollywood Hills home Casa Cha Cha Cha which he now shares with Miss Jolly Julie, as he refers to her in bed.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Seacrest, who is from Georgia was given the nickname "Peaches" by a fellow Georgian Lauren Alaina, who is a contestant on this years American Idol. Alaina has been somewhat depressed lately because just in the last three weeks the 16-year-old has put on 17 pounds and media critics are starting to say and write that she is beginning to resemble the original American Idol winner Kelly "Y'all Stop Talkin' About My Muffin Top Ya Here!" Clarkson.]

Many DWTS viewers are wondering why one of the most popular and sexiest looking dancers Edyta Sliwinska did not appear on last years show and is not going to appear on this years show.

Left Coast Mirror Magazine reported that an unnamed host, judge, or fellow professional dancer apparently made an unsolicited advance at Miss Sliwinska and she filed sexual harassment charges. LC2M has revealed that Sliwinska allegedly settled out of court recently for $17.3 million.

Last year's third place finisher Bristol "The Pistol" Palin was asked by LC2M how she feels she would stack up against this years crop of dancers. "Snowflake's" daughter laughed and said that she could kick all eleven dancers ass*es.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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