Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 25 March 2011

image for Charlie Sheen Squashes The Rancho Cucamonga Menage-A-Trois Rumors Regarding Him, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan
Before Charlie Sheen was fired from "Two and A Half Men" he was making $1.8 million per show.

LA BREA, California - Three of Hollywood's "Baddies" were seen putting away a couple of pitchers of beer down at The La Brea Tar Pits Diner.

Charlie "Showless" Sheen was wearing a T-shirt with his new slogan which reads "Winning" on the front and "Gninniw" on the back.

When asked by a reporter for Bedroom Pillow Talk if that was a misprint, Charlie looked up at the moon, then over at Paris Hilton's tata's, and then over at Lindsay Lohan's tits and asked what the effen question was again.

Paris blushed and told the SheenMaster that she would take that as a high form of flattery.

Charlie looked at Lohan and asked her what in the friggin tar pit hell was the nutty blonde bitch talking about.

LiLo, who loves being called LiLo instead of "Freckle Face," "Yo Ho," or "Bitch Mouth" shook her head and said that she had no idea because she thinks that Paris was talking in a foreign language that sounded Jupiterian.

"You mean like from Jupiter?" Charlie asked.

And LiLo responded by saying "No butt wipe like from Jupiter, did you learn freakin geography down in effen Alaska or what you flaky looking whoremonger you."

Charlie responded by telling her that she meant to say 'up in Alaska,' since geographically being in La Brea they were actually south of Alaska so that would mean that Alaska would be 'up in Alaska' and not 'down in Alaska' unless the Iceberg State was located in Central America or at least somewhere in the vicinity of the exchange city of Calexico and then the term 'up in Alaska would be geographically correct.

Summersetter Faxx of Bedroom Pillow Talk asked Sheen about the rumor that had started at the Playboy Mansion that he, Paris and LiLo had all been involved in a menage-a-trois in Rancho Cucamonga on Valentine's Day.

Sheen remarked, Valentine's Day and that would have been let me see February...

"14." Faxx replied.

Charlie told her to hold on. He asked her not to rush him because he had it on the tip of his tongue...14.

"Bingo!" Faxx yelled out.

Lohan rolled her eyes. took a drink of her beer. Accidentally bit her left elbow, and dozed off.

Hilton meanwhile had fallen off her chair and was laying on the diner floor muttering something or other that sounded like either "I'm hot" or "Hey Carlitos, how the hell did my bikini thongs end up around my damn ankles huh?"

Charlie did beg Summersetter to please print that he had denied that a menage-a-trois had taken place between him, Hilton, and Lohan in Rancho Cucamonga.

He then handed her a one thousand dollar bill that he said was an early Christmas present.

The next day Charlie Sheen was supposed to have flown to Chicago to appear on The Oprah Winfrey Show, but he got his "CH's" mixed up and ended up flying to Cheyenne, Wyoming instead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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