Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 16 March 2011

image for "The View's" Barbara Walters Says Her Dislike of Whoopi Goldberg Is Not Personal - It's Her Hair!
Whoopi's pet snake which she has named "Dicky Cheney." (Photo courtesy of Ted Danson).

LOS ANGELES - Barbara Walters who is the host and executive producer of the television talk show The View has finally spoken out about her ongoing dislike for fellow panel member Whoopi "The Cushion" Goldberg.

Walters said that she has received literally thousands of emails, text messages, and phone calls asking her why she does not like Whoopi Goldberg.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: And oddly enough two of the text messages were from Whoopi Goldberg herself.]

Barbara Walters who has been around the television industry since back when TV channel selectors only had 12 channels has repeatedly stated that the reason why she does not like Goldberg is not because she is Jewish.

Walters is quick to point out that she herself is Jewish, but she is quick to add that she is of course a white Jew whereas Whoopi is a non-white Jew, but that is still not the reason why she does not like her.

Barbara said that the reason why she does not like her goes back to the very first time that Goldberg appeared on The View which was on September 4, 2007.

At that time Goldberg had a gigantic head of hair which she wore in huge dreadlocks that weighed about one pound each. Before the start of the show Barbara walked into Whoopi's dressing room to discuss the shows theme. Whoopi stood up to shake her hand.

And as Whoopi turned to sit down so that her make up artist could finish putting on her mascara she accidentally hit Walters on the face with her dreadlocks.

Walters screamed and fell to the floor. A security guard rushed in and asked Ms. Walters what had happened. He was told that Goldberg had hit her with her hairdo.

The security guard asked Ms. Walters if she wanted to have Ms. Goldberg arrested. Walters remarked that since they were getting ready to go on the air in ten minutes that it would not really be a good idea to have her arrested.

And so the curtain raised up, and Barbara Walters, walked out along with Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Joy Behar, Sherri Shepherd, and Whoopi Goldberg.

Barbara Walters asked Goldberg to never ever mention the fact that she had hit her and knocked her down with her damn dreadlocks.

And so after four years, Barbara Walters has once and for all cleared up why she does not like Whoopi Goldberg - and it's all due to her heavy-as-hell hair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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