Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 13 March 2011

image for Ricky Gervais Wants To Go Out On A Date With Lindsay Lohan And Sample What Her Mama Gave Her
Lindsay Lohan shaving her legs before her most recent court appearance. (Photo courtesy of Russell Brand).

DES MOINES, Iowa - Comedian Ricky Gervais was in Iowa speaking at the annual convention of The Iowa Corn Casserole Council.

Gervais, was a big hit at this year's Golden Globe Award Show where he skewered everyone from Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie to Robert Downey, Jr., and the Easter Bunny.

Rick the Dick, as he likes to be called was asked what he thinks about all of the on-going shenanigans regarding Lindsay Lohan and the stolen $2,500 necklace.

The Rickster, took a sip of his beer, grinned with those big bad wolf teeth of his and replied that he cannot understand why a talentless, rude, crude, and egomaniacal egotist like "La LiLo" can generate so much interest from the Hollywood press, the British press, and yes even the Kamgoogandian press.

He winked and said that there is definitely no denying that the out-of-control skank has got a nice rack on her and her gluteus maximus ain't nothing to sneeze at, unless of course one has a cold or bad allergies.

Ricky disclosed that he wonders what Lindsay really, really must be like in the erotically intimate sense. In fact he recently informed The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle that he would like to go out on a date with Miss Lohan and sample everything that her mother gave her.

He giggled in that unmistakably English accent of his, took another two sips of beer, and said that once he does accomplish that rather formidable but attainable goal he promises to share his experience with the 4C readers.

Ricky has vowed to give The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle readers every single, solitary, sordid detail about his sexual escapade with the woman that many are calling, "Angelina Jolie but without class, style, the hideous trout snout, the half dozen brats, and of course Brad 'The Stud' Pitt."

The Iowa Corn Casserole Council named Kathy Griffin as this year's Kernel Queen of the 2011 Iowa Corn Casserole Council Corn-Bob and Parade.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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