Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 23 March 2011

image for Joan Rivers and Heidi Montag To Star In "Botox - The Movie"
A brickwall which is used in the brickwall scene in "Botox - The Movie." (Photo courtesy of Andy Dick).

SAUSALITO, California - Joan Rivers and Heidi Montag were up in Northern California on location shooting a nude scene for the new Allesandro Fiafatanelli film Botox - The Movie.

The film is loosely based on the loosely written novel by Sedona Funtocker-Littlebird and deals with the everyday pros and cons of the world of botox and how it can turn a normal, kind, caring, compassionate female into a mean, heartless, cruel, bitch from the bowels of damn effen hell.

The author said that while she was writing the book she had to literally pause about every ten minutes or so, so that she could calm down and gain her composure.

She said that, one time at the very beginning of writing the book, she went twenty minutes without stopping and before she had even noticed she had picked up a pellet gun and shot a couple of warning shots over her pet cat, Pittle Pattle's head.

Funtocker-Littlebird said that luckily she was outside in her backyard and so no harm was really done other than it literally scared the pee out of poor little Pittle Pattle.

She did take "PP" to the vet and the vet said that the extremely traumatizing incident should not really have much of an effect on little "PP" since she is already 19-years-old or 27 in dog years.

In the movie Botox - The Movie, Rivers portrays Beulah Notchbox, a retired professional pole dancer who is now 89, and who is upset that her cellulite has started to develop stretch marks, her tongue has started to develop varicose veins, and her love handles have started to develop damn suitcases.

Montag stars as Beulah Notchbox's extremely promiscuously nymphomaniacal daughter Aggraziata Notchbox, who knows the words to every Bob Dylan song that the 60s poet ever wrote.

AggNot as her gynecologist calls her also has the distinction of once having gone out with the entire Sacramento Kings NBA basketball team.

The film which will premier in La Brea will have an XB-rating for pornographic botox.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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