Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 14 April 2011

image for Jon Cryer Announces He Will Be Directing Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, and Bristol Palin In The Film "The Spoiled Circus Brats"
Madam Sarah Palin, one of the elephants that appears in "The Spoiled Circus Brats."

HOLLYWOOD - Actor Jon Cryer, former cast member on television's number one situation comedy Two and A Half Men, until Charlie "Tiger Blood Boy" Sheen messed up that little 'gold mine' of a show all to hell, will be stepping into the director's chair.

Cryer told The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle's Redwood Fingerboo that he was just sitting around his modest home doing nothing ever since their show got torpedoed by it's very own commander, Captain "Ego" Sheen.

He said that he received a text message from noted film producer Fanton Brasshorn about directing the motion picture The Spoiled Circus Brats.

Jon spoke with Fingerboo and confided to him that he sure did miss his weekly salary of $600,000 which he was making on the CBS hit Two and A Half Men.

Fingerboo asked him if he was angry at Sheen for causing production on the show to be shut down. Cryer put down his glass of Crystal Light Tea and asked if the Pacific Ocean was effen wet?

The 4C reporter took that as a yes. He asked what Angus T. Jones, who portrayed "The Half Man" was doing now that the show was no longer on the air.

Cryer said that he had moved back in with his parents who live in Austin, Texas. Jon was asked how much Angus T. was making per week and Jon told him that the 17-year-old was making $300,000 per episode.

Jon said that Sheen had not only messed things up for himself but for all of the other cast members as well.

Cryer laughingly said that Conchata Ferrell who portrays Berta the housekeeper was so angry that for a few moments she had even entertained the thought of talking to someone in Brooklyn about possibly making arrangements to have "Winning Boy" Sheen go swim with the East River fishes.

Also starring in the movie based on the Ulla Q. Fishwell book of the same name will be Lindsay "The Necklace" Lohan and Bristol "The Pistol" Palin.

Sheen, Lohan, and Palin will star as the Figglewater siblings, whose father Wilmington Mario Figglewater purchases the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus.

The three are hired by their father to help run the circus but end up getting into all kinds of trouble due to the fact that they are quite arrogant, sarcastic, and given to trying to tell the animal trainers exactly how they should train their animals.

In one scene Lohan's character Sequoia Figglewater gets into a heated discussion with Bozomeister the Clown who accidentally steps in some elephant droppings and ends up smelling kinda 'funny.'

In another scene Bristol Palin as Sushi Figglewater goes up to the circus fat lady and while she is taking a nap in her trailer takes a red Sharpie pen and draws about 700 measles all over her body.

Meanwhile in a scene which caused the movie to receive its R-rating, Charlie's character Genghis Figglewater goes up to the circus half-man, half-woman and starts flirting innocently but eventually ends up molesting the half-woman part.

The film will be shot in location in Phoenix, Arizona, which ironically was recently named 'The Clown Capital of The United States.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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