Written by IainB
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Saturday, 12 March 2011

image for Bruce Forsyth decides not to retire just yet
Forsythe in 1973, already looking old.

Amid strong speculation that Bruce Forsyth would be hanging up his dancing shoes at the age of ninety, Brucie himself has come forward and admitted that the limelight has just too much allure to have him retire just yet.

"ITV bosses have offered me a contract extension," he said. "Tempting me out of thinking about retirement."

Forsyth is honest enough to admit that he no longer needs to work.

"I've been in show business since 1955," he said. "And I barely spend any money. I'm loaded. It doesn't really matter to me though. I enjoy working."

Bruce Forsyth was the first man to appear on television when it was invented, and has hopes of being the last person on television, should it ever be uninvented. An accomplished performer, artist, golfer, writer and dancer, Forsyth's bow has many strings, and he has kept himself in shape long enough to ensure that he will leave Death tapping his skeletal foot for many years yet.

"In the end, it wasn't the contract extension that made me put of retirement for a few years yet," he said. "It was more the thought of what I would do if I retire. The chances are, I would play golf, dance and write. Which is much the same as I do for a living, so what's the point in retiring?"

One of Forsyth's retirement plans was to write for the Spoof, something he would have also been exceptional at. However, one aspect of writing for the online satirical newspaper put him off.

"I asked Mark, the editor, 'What do points make?'" said Brucie. "I expected him to chime back 'Prizes' as every other person has done since I invented the catch phrase for Queen Victoria. And King David."

However, it turned out Mark's actual response was "Sod all, the same as for any other writer."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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