Written by Reddon
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Friday, 11 March 2011

image for Man Buries Wife And Kid In Pet Cemetery And Nothing Happens
If They Really Came Back To Life Everybody Would Be Doing It.

John Sullivan, of Boston Lincolnshire, inspired by the novel, Pet Sematary, and the film of the same name starring Herman out of the Munsters, decided to transport his dead wife and child to the state of Maine in the USA, and attempt to have them come back to life by burying them in an ancient native American burial ground.

Drinkers in John's local pub, The Spotted Adolescent, helped him out by raising funds via a series of raffles and the occasional mugging of unsuspecting passers by.

"John needed help," local tosspot Stinky Green declared. "His wife and kid had been perished in a terrible accident down the ten pin bowling alley, and he wanted them back. Simple as that. It all comes down to priorities - I mean, we're always having collections and raffles and benefits to send sick kids to Disney World in Orlando, but they're alive still. John didn't have much of a window to operate in. What with his wife and kid already being dead. So time was of the essence in this case. Not that I gave anything. I have a drink problem, you see."

Inspired by the reanimation tale, John flew with his dead wife and kid to New York's JFK airport, before taking a taxi to La Guardia and taking a connecting flight to Bangor, Maine.

"The Egyptian taxi driver wasn't keen on taking me and two coffins to La Guardia," John explained. "But he soon came around to my way of thinking when I pretended to have a gun in my coat pocket."

But John could only accept a sense of utter disappointment, when after reinterring his dead wife and kid in an ancient burial ground, nothing had happened after ten days.

"They didn't come back to life," he announced in an emotional press release. "That Stephen King fellow has a lot to answer for. I mean: why give the impression that you can bring lost loved ones back by burying them in Maine? If you ask me, it's all a big con. These writers should think twice before they put pen to paper. They're just misleading the public."

John left his un-reanimated dead wife and kid buried in Maine.

Sometimes dead is better.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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