Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 18 April 2011

image for Kirstie Alley Reveals She Has Developed An "X-Rated Crush" On Her 'Dancing With The Stars' Dance Partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Kirstie Alley said that she may wear these tennis shoes next time she dances so they won't fall off.

HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars contestant Kirstie Alley who until recently was tilting the weight scales at an astounding 409 pounds has confessed that she is falling head-over-heels for her dance partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, of Russia who is known as "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom."

Alley, who has lost 173 pounds and is now down to 236 pounds, said that after their live fall two weeks ago and then after last weeks live shoe malfunction the two have bonded together closer than any man and woman possibly could.

Kirstie said that Maksim, who has one of the hottest tempers on television, has suddenly been transformed into a soft, little kitten.

She went on to say somewhat tongue-in-check, (with her tongue in his cheek) that she is not ashamed to admit to America that she has in fact developed an "X-Rated Crush" on Mr. Chmerkovskiy.

Maks who raises snakes recently gave Kirstie one of his favorite pet snakes named "Tango." Alley said that she keeps it in one of her spare bedrooms and that it pretty much sleeps about 18 hours a day.

She grinned and said that her guests are scared of it but she was quick to add that "Tango" has not bitten anyone as of yet. And in the event that it should, she has the necessary snake anti-venom kit stashed in her food pantry and she can get to it within 35 seconds.

When Maksim was asked by Tittle Tattle Tonight's Skippy Viperwater how he felt about Kirstie, he smiled and said that she is quite a woman and he added that not just in the size department but in the heart, soul, talent, and foot department as well.

Chmerkovskiy, being a dancer, has always been partial to women's feet. When asked if he feels that the age difference would interfere in a personal relationship Maks giggled in his Ukrainian accent, and said that Kirstie has told him that she does not mind if he is young enough to be her son.

Kirstie is 60. Maksim is 31. Brooklyn Decker is 24.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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