Written by Abel Rodriguez
Print this

Friday, 11 March 2011

image for The Reasons The Producers of the "Lara Croft: 'Tomb Raiders" Series Say They No Longer Want Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie shown before collagen implants and botox treatments caused her lips to double in size.

LOS ANGELES - In a move that has surprised a lot of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider fans, as well as fans of Angelina Jolie the film's producers have decided to move on with the series minus its star Angelina Jolie.

And movie critics from El Lay to the Big Apple are speculating as to why. Tittle Tattle Tonight's Papaya Ruckusgarden stated that the reason is simply because the powers that be feel that Jolie has simply allowed her lips to get to big.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Three botox procedures and several collagen implants have succeeded in giving Angelina Jolie what can best be described as Fantasia lips.]

Moltenberry Babineaux of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle wrote that all of the problems that Jolie has been having with her horde of six children have also caused her to become quick-tempered, short-fused, and bitterly sarcastic.

Even her husband Brad Pitt stated that Angie has turned into The Prima Donna slash Diva from the depths of hellacious hell.

And Columbus Tiffbottom of The Los Angeles Watchdog Witnesser wrote that Angelina Jolie has shown what can happen when a woman steals another man's husband. It may take a while but as they say in Brooklyn 'paybacks are a bitch.'

Tiffbottom said that to add insult to injury, the word on the streets of Beverly Hills is that Jennifer Aniston, the woman whose husband (Brad Pitt) Jolie stole, may be offered Jolie's old Lara Croft part.

And so the Lara Croft - Tomb Raider saga will continue minus one Angelina Jolie who has shown that no matter what people in her Hollywood circle of friends may say "You can't have it all bitch."

Reports are that Brad Pitt is still seriously thinking about divorcing Jolie and getting back together with Aniston.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 4?

6 8 25 1
54 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more