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Topics: Toilet, Jordan

Thursday, 15 September 2005

With the OK magazine deal coming to a close, Mr and Mrs Jordan Andre have started to look elsewhere to fund their extravagant lifestyle.

Mr Andre, twice failed pop star and I'm a celebrity get me out of here contestant, is said now to be pushing Mrs Andre (real name Mrs Katie Jordan-Wabs Andre nee Price) to anything providing she leaves the glamour modelling behind her.

"Yeah, like, you know, she's me missus now, and no missus of mine is gonna get her t**s out, they're like, you know, mine"

Mrs Andre, has been in talks about several projects, the latest being a toilet roll holder (pictured above) based on her wedding dress. "… well, I looked lush and really horny so I wanna give every young lad somefing good to look at when they're on the bog. Means they don't have to sneak skin mags in dunnit…"

Mrs Andre, 27 and a mother of two, was delighted to be able to have her very own Cinderella style wedding and is not going to be slow on the uptake to profit out of it.

Her autobiography, ‘Being Jordan' has already sold 500,000 copies in hard back and is considered a best seller, part 2 ‘Still being Jordan' is pencilled in for release Spring 2006 with part three, ‘I'm still Jordan' the following year.

Exclusive photos from the wedding are said to be in Part 2 and as Mrs Andre pointed out ‘… if you look closely in the background, you can see some real stars dancing at the disco, like Maxwell and Saskia from Big Brother, and the Notts County centre half, whats-his-name? You will get the recipes from the reception, you know, how to put sausages on sticks and stuff. There is allsorts in it, and I don't mean them Bertie Bassett ones.'

"My books are lush, I've not read them, but they've got wicked pictures in them' said the inflated celebrity ‘I look really great and Pete looks really fit'.

Mr Andre, currently away on a sell out tour, was unavailable to comment but his management team said that ‘He is very excited about the new products, and hope that it keeps Mrs Andre busy'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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