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Thursday, 15 September 2005

(AP) Entertainer and virgin Britney Spears gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. A spokesman for the singer gave this statement: "The baby was born through normal means. While he did come into the world naked, it was done tastefully and was not sexual or lude in any way."

As Britney has maintained her virginity for several years, this heralds the second virgin birth ever recorded (the first being the birth of Jesus of Nazarath to Mary in a Bethlehem stable). While no choruses of heavenly angels sang above the hospital this time, the California Angels did win their baseball game. While no shepherds came to welcome the new born, Doug Shepherd of the hospital security service attempted to keep the papparazzi from sneaking into the delivery room and the hospital nursery.

The closest thing to wise men to visit the hospital were fellow entertainers (and sometimes rivals) Christina Aguilera, Shakirra, and Madonna. They brought gifts of Onesies, Huggies, and Gerber first foods.

Britney's trip to the hospital took place on a different member of the horse family. While she did not take travel on a donkey, she did arrive in a Ford Bronco.

While Joseph, the step-father of Jesus (as he was the son of God), was a carpenter by trade, Britney's husband has actually listened to The Carpenters.

There was also no new star in the heavens on this latest night of nights. Spear's publicist, however, is declaring the newest Atlantic tornado to be the miraculous sign marking this holy birth.

Britney and husband are also unsure of which temple to present their son at when he is eight days old (as Jesus was presented at the temple in Jerusalem). Currently under discussion are presenting the child at the football stadium at halftime of a Temple University football game, at Temple Mt. Sinai Hospital, at the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, and to former child actress and retired U.S. Ambassador Shirley Temple Black.

As Spears has been unable to perform her normal concerts and dance routines for several months (for obvious reasons), her finances have suffered. She, therefore, requests that people stop giving their tithes to the church and start paying them directly to her newborn son. As she feels he is to be the new Messiah, contributions will be tax deductible.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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