Written by Nick Hobbs
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Tuesday, 8 March 2011

image for Barry Manilow's Nose Creates Gridlock Havoc In New York
Manilow's nose (as viewed from space)

Musician Barry Manilow, famous for such hits as 'Copacabana' and other stuff, was being held responsible for causing huge tailbacks in downtown Brooklyn yesterday.

The star, who was appearing in Las Vegas at the time, was being honoured by his home town. Officials had decided to unveil a bronze statue of the artists nose, as a tribute to his time spent growing up in the district, a lifetime ago.

However, the bronze was so big that it started creating traffic queues, which rapidly escalated in to near grid-lock situations across the city.

The life size cast was designed and modeled by famous Italian-American sculptor Mia Bella Prosciutto, and it took over eight years to complete. The bronze is said to weigh in at three tonnes, nearly double the weight of Manilow's actual conk.

City officials and police were called in to asses the chaos, and it was decided the bronze beak should be taken away and put in a park across town, where it wouldn't cause so much inconvenience to passing motorists, and would be able to canter freely in the long meadow grass.

Removal of the statue soon relieved traffic pressures, and within a few hours things were back to normal in the overcrowded streets of the city.

Manilow was unavailable for comment, but his agent sent us this statement "you must have had a really slow news day today, if all you could do was write something about Barry Manilow having a huge hooter! I mean come on? How old is that joke?"

Updates as we think of something.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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