"Prince Charles and I live in separate worlds, divided by an unbridgeable gulf," she said. "He is a wild glamorous Prince from Cosmopolitan London, and I am a university graduate from the mountains with a no-paying job and average looks. It would never work."
"Prince Charles loves fast living and I prefer quiet evenings at home with a steady diet of sweet talk, small gifts, cuddling, and smooching," the authentic daughter of the assassinated President said. "At first, I would imagine all the fun Aspen parties we'd go to if we were dating, but I grew tired of that pretty quickly. I'm no party girl. I started picturing myself sitting there in my white chenille bathrobe at the breakfast table taking tea and scones while waiting for him to come. I don't want that." She remembers fondly quivering before Prince Charles kissed her on her cheek in front of a couple of grandmothers and after he did kiss her she promptly fainted on the porch. An easy dispatch into oblivion; the Prince is said to be walking about the Palace with his chest puffed out and a big grin on his face.
The authentic daughter of the assassinated President also began to wonder if Prince Charles would remain faithful. "Other than occasions people of all persuasions-male and female equally-ensnare either of us in an assignation it got to be where I couldn't fantasize about us being together without constantly wondering if he would run around on me," she said.
One person reported there were three of us in this marriage. "As Saint Augustine said, "Where there is love, there is a trinity: a lover, a beloved, and a spring of love."
"If he's cheated on women before, in an egalitarian manner with all, I couldn't see why I'd be an exception. He is just not worth the angst."
The news that one of Prince Charles' girlfriends gave birth to two of his sons helped convince her to break it off once and for all.
"I had to dump him from my thoughts, if only to preserve my sanity," she said. "I know that I'm choosing practicality over love, and maybe that makes me as weak as Prince Charles, but in a different way."
She is taking steps to scale back Prince Charles' presence in her life. She is seeking a paid job to supersede the no-pay job so she can be seen as egalitarian.
Rumor has it that she was recently overheard commenting on the lessons of Fred Astaire of Hollywood, California though she denied any pretend relationship. How could Fred Astaire perform in a theatrical production when some persons exasperated him with a shiner under the eye when he refused to transfigure into a poltergeist.
"To tell you the truth, I've been more attracted to the suave and sophisticated gentlemanly veneer of maturity and stability lately." She had qualms when Prince Charles expressed a desire she "Strictly Come Dancing" with him. She is twittering and fretting about her advanced age to shimmy, shiver, and shake. Would G-man charge her under the "honest-services fraud" law claiming she was cheating someone of something less tangible than money if she is less buxom than other women? Physicists at Physics World published today that it is impossible to detect the quivering of a free electron, which has an amplitude of just 10-13 m and a frequency of 1021 Hz. Does the opinion of readers of the new treatsies about the Waltz, ballroom dances, and other dance styles?
Oh! What a conundrum! Should she accept the strictly come dancing invitation extended by Prince Charles and abandon her search for Prince Charles during the lifelong imaginary romance with the to be good King Charles which has ended.
Neither the authentic daughter of the assassinated President, currently "living in America," nor her real life Prince Charming "coming to America" could be reached for comment.
Remember what Winnie the Pooh says,
"Violets are blue….If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever."
Work spend drafting this parody of an article in The Onion titled, "Woman Mentally Breaks Up with Colin Farrell," as measured by calories expended:
Sweet Talking 150
Looking Silly 75
January 6, 2010