Written by Jenny Grene
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Tuesday, 8 March 2011

image for Brian Cox warns against Bieber appearing in Twilight franchise

Fans of pop music and vampire fantasy films are to be disappointed today, as rumours of Justin Bieber appearing in the Twilight saga are announced to be untrue.

Catherine Hardwicke, speaking at a press conference today, told journalists that "Justin Bieber was going to appear as a singing and dancing vampire in one of the new films, wherever we could find a space to shove him in. Unfortunately, we were warned against this after a scientist realised what it could mean for the 'Harry Potter' generation."

Apparently, trendy physicist Professor Brian Cox was to one to warn against Justin Bieber appearing in part of the Twilight saga, owing to the fact that it could realistically destroy a generation of young girls.

The particle physicist explained that if the particles of Bieber and the Twilight franchise were ever to collide in an unprotected setting (such as a cinema) the effects could be catastrophic.

Indeed, the resulting explosion could either show how 'tweens' first came into being or create a black hole which would suck in all girls aged between twelve and sixteen; as well as a number of other misinformed people.

However, not all hope is lost. Cox went on to announce that, "we will be performing a controlled experiment using one of Justin Bieber's hoodies and some false vampire teeth from Robert Pattinson, in a specially-built research centre outside Geneva. If this experiment is successful then we will attempt to bring Bieber and Pattinson into a room together. Eventually, we may be able to show a short, silent Twilight film featuring Bieber to members of the public who have undertaken a series of training courses to teach them to deal with the situation."

Fans of Justin Bieber and Twilight are said to be "anticipatory".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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