Written by Charpa93
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Monday, 7 March 2011

image for Charlie Sheen Now Bewitched

A coven of witches and warlocks have cast a binding spell on Charlie Sheen hoping to rid him of evil influences after they say he dissed their religion by calling himself a warlock. Sheen was shown making devil horns with his hand behind one of the goddess' heads as they were being filmed for an upcoming netcast in the couple's "den of iniquity."

Gnar Windon, who lives in Salem, Massachusetts, says that he is a bona fide warlock and claims that Sheen is definitely asking for trouble by falsely claiming the warlock label and intimating that he (Sheen) is the devil's right-hand man.

"You just don't go around claiming you are a part of Satan's family without some kind of proof," said Windon. "Besides, what was Sheen thinking? Did he not know that some real warlocks might be catching his descent into madness on cable tv and call him out on the lie?"

Windon, along with his wife, white witch Wanda Windon, claims that Sheen's bewitching should last for at least a week. They say that if it appears the spell is not strong enough to turn Sheen's life around, they may have to send someone in to get a lock of Sheen's hair to use in an even stronger spell. Asked how they would do that, Windon said, "easy. We just tell him we need it for drug testing."

"We're gonna take a wait-and-see attitude on this right now," said Windon, who, along with the rest of the coven hopes that by associating themselves with Sheen they might just yet get their own 15 minutes of fame.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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