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Tuesday, 13 September 2005

image for Apprentice Alla Fires Donald Trump in First Episode
"the Wart" lets "the Donald" have it

Hollywood -- Donald Trump may have dominated Ivana, and Marla Maples, but he's apparently met his match with Alla Wartenberg, a former stripper who teased and tormented a cold-blooded killer and lived to tell about it. In the first episode, scheduled to air September 22, "the Wart" reportedly fires Donald Trump, and when he scoffs, saying "This is MY show" "the Wart" summons a half dozen beefy "handlers" to throw "the Donald" not just off the stage, but completely out of the building. "Reality TV" will never be the same said Survivor producer Mark Burnham. "We just wish we'd cast her for OUR show."

The pompous, and pomadoured real estate mogul recently announced the cast for the fourth season of The Apprentice, boasting that he had personally selected a "tough as nails" ex-stripper as a contestant. "Little did he know" said Martha Stewart, who briefly shared a cell with Alla. "She made me give her my lunch money, give her pedicures, footrubs, and generally demaned me as much as possible in a 4 x 4 x 10 foot cell" said Stewart.

The official NBC bio for Alla Wartenberg fails to mention her pole-dancing past. Wartenberg gyrated and swiveled at Las Vegas' Palomino Club under the name Ecstasy (X) and was involved with convicted murderer Robert Acremant, who apparently considered her his "pay-per-view" girlfriend.

On his visits to the club, Acremant reportedly shelled out between $500 and $1,500 for a night for the company of Alla/Ecstasy and eventually developed something of a cash flow problem. Desperate to continue seeing his pole-dancing friend Acremant attempted to rob a pair of Oregon women in 1995 but ended up killing them in a heist-gone-wrong.

Later that year, he murdered Scott George in a second robbery attempt. Acremant was convicted of all three murders and was sentenced to death in both California and Oregon, where he is currently on Death Row.

Apparently possessing something even tougher than titanium ovaries, "the Wart" testified at Acrement's trial that she had simply "used him for money." On his last visit to Vegas, Acremant pulled both a handgun on her while they were sitting in a car and began "...... telling me that he, you know, he was very upset with me because I never loved him." Doh! "I slapped him and sent the crybaby down the road, said "the Wart."

Wartenberg claimed she was left "emotionally injured and scarred for life" by her encounters with Acremant and has sought to gain power over men ever since, apparently accomplishing that in prime time with her removal of "the Donald."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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