Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 6 March 2011

image for The Costume Designer On 'Dancing With The Stars' Says He Is Having To Use Lots and Lots of Material Sewing Kirstie Alley's Dance Outfits
Maksim has already told Kirstie Alley that if he finds a pizza in her purse, he is going to be one upset Russian SOB!

HOLLYWOOD - The gentleman in charge of designing and sewing every single dance costume for the celebrities and professionals on Dancing With The Stars has confided that this year he really has his work cut out for him (no pun intended).

Lazlo Lazlovanovich originally of Lithuania told The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle that one contestant is keeping him busier than any contestant in the history of the show.

Laz, as everyone on the show, except for Len "The Crotchety Grouch" Goodman calls him, said that having to sew the extremely overweight Kirstie Alley's outfits is taking longer than sewing the dance costumes of Sugar Ray Leonard, Petra Nemcova, and Ralph Macchio combined.

He added that he has never had to work this long and hard even when he was sewing the costumes of such heavyweights as Penn Jillette, Macy Gray, Warren Sapp, and Niecy Nash.

Laz said that when he got finished sewing Ms. Alley's first dress, his hands hurt so bad that the left one felt like it had been stepped on by Wynonna Judd and the right one felt like it had been stepped on by David Crosby.

The show's producer Bernadette Penderlicki revealed in an interview with iGossip's Taffeta Kixx that she had to call up the network's financial director and request that another $80,000 be placed into the shows dance costume fund to help accommodate the amount of material that Kirstie Alley's dance outfits alone were going to require.

Myron Goldenbaumowitz, the network's financial director, personally looked into the matter and decided that he would actually have to place an extra $200,000 into the costume fund.

At first the shows executives had toyed with the idea of having all of Kirstie's Alley's dance outfits simply consist of halters and shorts in the interest of saving sewing time and material. But when the shows censor Lars Acushnet brought up the fact that it would almost be impossible for him to be able to keep the the scantily clad, overweight Ms. Alley's body from receiving an R-rating or possibly even an X-rating that idea was scrapped.

Kirstie Alley's professional dance partner is the Russian born Maksim Chmerkovskiy, also known as "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" due to his amazingly quick, fiery temper.

Italian Judge Bruno Tonioli has already stated that he expects some fireworks from the Alley-Chmerkovskiy rehearsal room the likes of which the show has possibly never seen in its previous eleven season history.

Taffeta Kixx of iGossip revealed that Kirstie Alley told her in confidence that if Maksim hollers and curses at her the way he has done to some of his other dance partners she swears she will bite him on the leg and not let go until security pulls her away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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