Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 6 March 2011

image for Simon Cowell Is Touting Chelsea Footballer Ashley Cole To Replace His Ex-Wife Cheryl Cole As A Judge On "X-Factor"
An English football which Ashley Cole autographed and presented to Kate Middleton. (Photo courtesy of Didier Drogba).

LONDON - Simon Cowell, who Queen Elizabeth II herself has remarked will soon become the richest man in The United Kingdom, has stated who he would like to see replace Cheryl Cole as judge on his highly rated reality show X-Factor.

Cowell, the man with the Midas touch has informed Neville Twickenbuck of Tickety Boo News that he is giving serious consideration to having Cheryl Cole's ex-husband Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole take Chezza's place at the judges desk.

Simon, who knows his business stated that by hiring someone as controversial as Ashley it will guarantee that the shows ratings will not fall but should actually go up.

TBN is reporting that X-Factor judges Dannii Minogue and Louis Walsh both expressed differing views on the subject.

Walsh said that he thought having Ashley as a judge would be good because people would tune in just to hear him badmouth his ex-wife Cheryl Cole.

Louis was quick to point out that Ashley begged Chezza to return to him but was told in no uncertain terms that her fiancee Derek Hough, star of the hit show Dancing With The Stars knows more about pleasing a woman than any man she has ever known.

He then noted that, that included Sir Huffington H. Huffnagle, IV, who was so bloody fond of Cheryl that he bought the songstress a beautiful fully restored castle just outside of Biggleswade.

Meanwhile Dannii Minogue pointed out that she does not wish to sit next to or even on the same judges panel as a man who betrayed her good friend and fellow judge by boinking tarts from the Celtic Sea to the North Sea.

Minogue said that she would rather have someone like Amy Winehouse sit next to her even though she has some of the ugliest tattoos this side of that old American has-been singer Cher who will turn 86 or 89 this year.

In other news. Russell Brand has admitted to Tickety Boo News that the rumor about him and his wife Katy Perry giving Prince William and Kate Middleton a very expensive milk cow as a wedding gift is in fact true.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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