Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Friday, 4 March 2011

image for SuBo fanatics start travel business!
Where next? Blackburn, Jupiter?!

Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today launched their new travel service. The Wealthy International Tacky Travel Service (TWITTS) organises tours of Blackburn, SuBo's home town, for fanatics.

"We weren't making enough money from donations, so we decided to start our own travel business!" grinned a chief fanatic while rubbing his hands.

The service, aimed at American fanatics, provides an all-inclusive tour of the area.

"Yes, a tour of all the major Scottish landmarks is included on the 7 day tour: Susan's houses, of course, the local Blackburn supermarkets, the local pub, The Eiffel Tower, The Leaning Tower of Pizza, the Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the Colosseum, and various other well-known Scottish landmarks!" rambled the geographically-challenged American fanatic.

"I've never been to a council estate before!" said an excited fanatic. "I assume it's like a big country house in beautiful gardens with butlers and things?!" continued the typically deluded American fanatic.

The first trial tour ended in disaster when the fanatics went to the wrong Blackburn.

"How were we to know there's another Blackburn?" sobbed the head of tours. "We got on the bus at the airport and told the driver to take us to Blackburn. He should have known we meant Susan's home town. I mean a bus load of old ladies with red scarves, lemonade, cardboard cut-outs of Susan, singing 'I Dreamed A Dream' out-of-tune should have been a dead giveaway!" she continued to sob.

The fanatics, who had actually turned up in Blackburn, Lancashire, spent the entire tour trying to find SuBo's house.

"Well, all accents sound the same to us. We thought they were all talking Scottish. We asked somebody for a haggis, and they started laughing at us," wept another American fanatic.

"We kept telling them they were in the wrong place, but they refused to believe us. They accused us of being evil and rambled something about us being DJGers? We gave up on them in the end," grumbled the local tourism officer.

The tours, costing $25,000 per loony, will start for real soon. "We won't be making the same mistake again. We've bought one of those GPS thingies. We don't know how to use it, but we've at least got one!" she said while programming in Blackburn, Aberdeenshire.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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