Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 24 May 2011

image for Maria Shriver Goes "Postal" - Mails Out 4,000 Divorce Notices!
Part of the estimated $400 million that Maria and Arnold will be dividing. (Photo courtesy of Paula Abdul).

BRENTWOOD, California - Some of Maria Shriver's very closest friends are starting to become a little concerned about the soon-to-be ex-Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Tansy "Bubbles" Stickerhazel has known Maria since their college days back at Georgetown University.

"Bubbles" said that at first Maria was just taking it all in stride but now that she has had time to digest it all and after seeing all of the dozens and dozens of stories on all of the news programs and in all of the entertainment tabloids she is starting to respond in a highly erratic way.

When Tequila Tallyho of The Left Coast Mirror Magazine asked Ms. Stickerhazel to explain she remarked that for one thing MaSh, as her close friends call Maria went to several Walgreen's Drug Stores and purchased 4,000 divorce notices.

Shriver then went home and sat down, and addressed each one herself, put a stamp on them, and hauled them down to the post office in her 2011 Toyota Tundra Truck.

Oprah Winfrey who received one of the divorce notices informed The Left Coast Mirror Magazine that the notice read: Dear Family and Friends - It is with a heavy heart, an empty stomach, and a bruised-as-hell ego that I announce that Arnold the dickhead has cheated on me with our maid and he has fathered a child by her and he even told me nine times during our marriage that he hoped all Democrats go to hell or Detroit.

I, Maria Owings Shriver, being a Kennedy cannot just sit idly by and have him make fun of the great city of Detroit which has given us so many nice cars like Fords, Chevrolet's, Pontiac's, Buick's, Oldsmobile's, and yes the Batmobile and even the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.

So it is with sadness in my heart, depression in my soul, and emptiness in my loins that I am announcing that I am divorcing the steroid-looking mad Austrian who I now have come to refer to as 'Mr. Dick with Feet.'

The Brentwood Post Office informed The Left Coast Mirror Magazine that it had to put on two extra mail carriers just to handle Maria Shriver's 4,000 divorce notices.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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