Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 14 May 2011

image for Lady Gaga Comes Clean Regarding The Two Alleged American Idol "Groping" Incidents
A collection of the new Lady Gaga Wrinkle Resistant Bras which can now be purchased at most Radio Shacks.

LOS ANGELES - Lady Gaga was recently asked about the two alleged gropings by her of two American Idol contestants.

Lady Gaga appeared a few days before the live show and served as a mentor to the shows four remaining contestants Lauren Alaina, Haley Reinhart, James Durbin, and Scotty McCreery.

The infamous Lady G appeared in a rehearsal hall wearing facial makeup that could best be described as something that Boy George would wear if he had suddenly lost all semblance of sanity.

And what the heck was up with that Oreo cookie that she had pasted on her cheek right below her eye?

If she was trying to out Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse she most definitely managed to accomplish that.

She also wore a pair of short shorts that were so outrageously short that they came very close to actually revealing a part of her labia majora.

As each of the four contestants sang their song, she critiqued their performance. She told "Peaches" Alaina that she needed to stop singing like she was one of Ma and Pa Kettle's kids and grow some ovaries and sing like Miranda Lambert, Gretchen Wilson, or Reba McEntire.

Haley was told by Lady Gaga to stop chewing her gum as it caused her G sharp and E sharp notes to sound like G flats and E flats.

Reinhart told Lady Gaga that she did not think that, that was the case. LG grabbed her by her hair and told her to never again question anything that Lady Gaga says.

Lady Gaga was fuming as she told the girl from Illinois that if she told her that Arizona was in Africa then as far as she was effen concerned Arizona was in Africa.

As James Durbin was singing LG told him to move his hips a little more like Elvis Presley. After the "Heavy Metal Kid" did not do as she had instructed him she got up off her chair, got behind him, and put her hands on his hips and started making him gyrate his hips.

Durbin turned red. Gaga said she got a little turned on from the music and told Durbin that he needed to shake what his mama had given him.

Next came the little old country boy himself, Scotty McCreery. And the round faced North Carolina native did not know what to make of Lady Gaga.

He said that he had never seen anything quite like her except for that time five years ago when The North American Traveling Dysfunctional Carnival had played in his hometown of Garner, North Carolina which is located east of Greenbriar and south of Gipson Pond.

According to a security guard with American Idol who investigated the alleged groping incidents, Lady Gaga informed him that she barely touched both James and Scotty and that she would be willing to submit to a lie detector test and well as to having a DNA swab done on her playpen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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