Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 2 March 2011

image for Christina Aguilera Arrested For DUI - Oprah Winfrey Says "Man Da Po Little White Girl She Sho Nuff Be Jinxed!"
Christina Aguilera's 2010 Ferrari which she purchased from Lindsay Lohan. (Photo courtesy of Brett Favre).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - It is still early in the year, but Christina Aguilera is already being touted as most likely to receive The 2011 Most Jinxed Award.

The blonde songstress has had more than her share of bad luck. First of all she messed up the words to the Star Spangled Banner at Super Bowl XLV before a world wide viewing audience of two billion.

A week later she almost fell off the stage at The Grammy Award Show. And now she has been arrested for DUI, driving under the influence.

The way Aguilera's luck is running she had better not dare go swimming in the ocean because her chances of getting eaten up by a damn shark are pretty good.

Christina and her guy friend Matthew Rutler had driven to a Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos at 2:45 a.m. in West Hollywood when they were pulled over by a motorcycle police officer.

The officer said that he had clocked Ms. Aguilera doing 87 mph in a restaurant drive thru. Christina responded by saying that there is no way she could have been doing 87 mph because she remembers looking down at the speedometer just a few seconds before she was stopped and the red speedometer thingy was on the 9 and the 0, so the 87 number was totally wrong.

When her boyfriend Rutler told her that 90 mph was faster than 87 mph, Crissy reportedly responded by saying "It is?"

The officer asked if they had been drinking. Christina started giggling. The officer asked her what was so funny. She giggled some more and asked him that if he was any kind of a good cop he would know that they had both been drinking just by the way they smelled and the bottle of Jose Cuervo that she was holding between her legs.

The officer responded by telling her that he really appreciated the fact that she had just made his job so much easier.

Matthew whispered for Christina to shut her mouth before the officer asked about the cackling sounds coming from the illegal parrots from Mexico that they had in the trunk of the car.

Christina was supposed to have made an appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show the following day but a representative for Winfrey cancelled the appearance.

According to Tittle Tattle Tonight Oprah commented on her show, "Man da po little white girl she sho nuff be jinxed." She later added that there is no way that she wants an evil woman like her coming anywhere near her, her cast, her crew, or her show.

Christina and Matthew were both handcuffed and taken down to police headquarters where they each posted a $4,792 bond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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