Written by Reddon
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Topics: Obesity, Fat, Hawaii

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

image for 50 Stone Man Celebrates 50th Birthday
Col Having A Jet Wash (Artist's Impression)

50 stone celebrity, Colin Esterol, who became a global phenomenon following a fly on the wall documentary series about his life on The Fatty Channel, celebrated his 50th birthday today.

Col, as he is known to his friends, Bob and Bernie, has more reason than most to celebrate his 50th birthday, as the number 50 crops up with almost supernatural frequency in his life.

Col lives at number 50, 50th Street, in Honolulu, Hawaii, which is the 50th of the United States. His telepone number is 555-5050, his father was aged 50 when Col was born, and in his first and only ever period of gainful employment he worked at Honolulu's 5050 Club as a bartender, and took the number 50 bus exactly 50 stops to get there from his home on L Street - L being the Roman numeral for fifty.

Col told reporters:

"It's amazing really - I weigh 50 stone, and it's my 50th birthday. They made 50 episodes of my Fatty Channel TV show, I eat exactly 50 double cheeseburgers per week, eat exactly 50 bags of potato chips a day, and have exactly 50 sheets for my bed. The reason for the latter is that I tend to poop a lot and mess up the sheets so they have to be changed regularly. But what the heck! I'm 50 today!"

Col's father, a sprightly - and slim - 100 year old, said:

"It's amazing that he's gotten to 50. We never thought the fat fuck would live this long. And furthermore, I don't get why he's celebrating. He can't even haul his fat ass out of bed. He's forever shitting, or at best farting - and his room stinks like a sewage plant. Oh sure, the fat lazy bastard may be a TV star - but they never showed the part where they have to take the fat fuck down to the carwash to jetwash his fat ass hole. He shoulda been born on April 1st not March 1st - Frickin' fool!"

Surely not then, a case of: Like father like son.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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