Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 1 March 2011

image for Dancing With The Stars Reveals This Year's 11 Dance Contestants
An autographed football that Pittsburgh Steelers Hines Ward presented to Malia and Sasha Obama.

HOLLYWOOD - The producers of Dancing With The Stars have just revealed the names of this years 11 dance contestants.

DWTS co-hosts Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke commented that leading the pack is Kirstie Alley who has gone from a weight of 409 pounds down to 236 pounds in just three short months.

Former boxer Sugar Ray Leonard, not to be confused with Sugar Ray Robinson or Sugar Lips Leonard, will also be one of the competitors as well as the ex-Karate Kid Ralph Macchio who is now the Karate middle-aged dude.

WWE wrestler Chris Jericho will also be participating in the dance competition and he has not ruled out the possibility of getting upset with the judges and maybe hitting either Len "The Crotchety Grouch" Goodman or Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli with a folding chair.

Talk show host Wendy Williams said she will let her size 10 feet do the talking on the dance floor and Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Hines Ward will be putting away his football cleats and replacing them with sissy shoes as Lawrence Taylor referred to the shows dance shoes several seasons ago.

The rap world will be represented by Romeo, whose father Master P, showed everyone a few years ago why he has been officially named as the worst dancer in the entire history of Dancing With The Stars.

Master P had about as much business being out on the dance floor as John Goodman and Wynonna Judd have showing up a an anorexic convention.

But Romeo has promised that unlike his father he will wear proper dance shoes and won't come out on the dance floor barefoot. He grinned and added that unlike his father he also plans on wearing underwear as well.

And rounding out the other celebrity slots are Petra Nemcova, who was injured in the Tsunami that hit Thailand in 2004, Kendra Wilkinson one of Hugh Hefners Playmates, Chelsea Kane who is a Disney Darling and who has appeared in five Disney Channel shows, and Mike Catherwood a radio personality who is known as "Psycho."

When Catherwood was asked why he is called "Psycho" he began yelling, screaming, and hollering that he had no earthly idea why.

Tom Bergeron promises the viewers that this year ABC is going to really monitor the viewer voting a little more closely. He was hesitant to reveal that last year an independent vote auditing firm from Boston, Massachusetts learned that out of all of Bristol Palin's votes half came from the little bitty town of Wasilla, Alaska, and the other half came from the Tea Bag Party state of Arizona.

The Boston auditing firm noted that a Brunhilda Leatherweave, 89, who resides in Wasilla voted for Bristol "The Pistol" Palin an average of 524,700 times per show. The firm pointed out that Leatherweave is an electronics whiz and she figured out a way to have one of her votes count as 900 votes.

Carrie Ann Inaba wants to dispel the rumor that she has a tattoo with Charlie Sheen's name on her upper left thigh.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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