Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 27 February 2011

image for CBS Cancels Charlie Sheen's "Two and A Half Men" - Co-Star John Cryer Cries Like A Baby
A cat that the cast of 'Two and A Half Men' bought for Charlie Sheen and which he named "Call Girl."

HOLLYWOOD - CBS executives have finally thrown in the billion dollar towel and have cancelled the remainder of the season of America's number one hit situation comedy, Two and A Half Men.

Word from the top brass of the CBS Network stated that after Charlie Sheen badmouthed the shows creator, producer, and writer Chuck "Mr. Ego" Lorre by saying that Lorre is so dumb he needs instructions on how to peel a hard-boiled egg, the stage was set for the shows cancellation.

Apparently there is no love lost between Sheen and Lorre. Sheen has said that over the years he has put about one billion dollars in every pocket and orifice that Lorre possesses.

Lorre responded by saying that because of him Sheen was the highest paid actor in the history of television making a staggering $1.25 million per episode and as a result he could afford to pay for $3,000 an hour call girls like most people buy chewing gum.

Lorre noted that co-star Jon Cryer (who plays Alan Harper, Charlie's brother) made $600,000 a show which is why when he heard about the season being cancelled ran to his dressing room and could be heard screaming at the top of his lungs, what one CBS janitor said sounded like "Nooooo! Nooooo! Nooooo! Dammit! Nooooo!"

Meanwhile Angus T. Jones who plays the part of Alan Harper's young overweight son Jake aka "The Half" and pulls in a salary of $300,000 per week simply asked the director, "Okay, so does this mean that the catering truck won't be showing up today or what?"

And Melanie Lynskey who portrays Rose, Charlie Harper's (Sheen's) neighbor/stalker reportedly told Tittle Tattle Tonight that she does not care if the show has been cancelled she is still going to continue stalking Charlie Harper or Charlie Sheen or whatever the heck his name is.

The show's producers have recently expressed a bit of a concern that Miss Lynskey may have started taking her role just a wee bit too seriously.

In other news. The Lakota Sioux Indian Nation, which owns nine gambling casinos in South Dakota, has written President Obama and asked that they would like to buy South Dakota.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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