Written by Jeff Brone
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Topics: Oprah Winfrey

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Oprah Winfrey announced the launch of a new look to her Oprah Winfrey Network, a cable TV offering, in response to claims that the network is too much like all the other networks, including the network it replaced, only without shows "that people enjoy."

Speaking at a recent gathering of the press, Winfrey said that certain terms have been used to describe the network, and some phrases like "sucks" and "absolutely sucks" could be interpreted in a few ways. Oprah countered by stating that President Obama called her and said he liked the network, or at least called her, and that Dr. Phil was on the network for several hours a day. Still, Winfrey admitted that the recent venture could use some tweaking and that she was planning to go all out to add new and exciting offerings.

Some shows planned include "Pencil Hoarders" spotlighting people who, as Winfrey puts it, have a "thing about pencils, and boy, is it shocking." Also planned is a show called "Boy, Is It Shocking" about people who hoard things, including pencils. Winfrey will give everyday people a chance to assistant produce an infomercial in "Oprah Winfrey's Big Chance to Assistant Produce an Infomercial, Hosted by Oprah Winfrey." Winfrey was very high on this show, noting that "there is a really funny gay guy on it who's funny not just because he's gay." Winfrey is also offering "So You Think You Can Be Steadman," "Oprah Winfrey's All Star Line Up of Busybodies," and "The Dr. Oz Half a Goodtime Comedy Variety Hour."

Sources close to Winfrey have said that the plans are "exciting, energetic, and completely doomed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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