Written by Bill Licks
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Sunday, 27 February 2011

image for Charlie Sheen to star in Two Hookers and a Half Cut Man
Mr Sheen polishes off another mound of nose candy

Hollywood legend Charlie Sheen is set to star in a new comedy series after Two and a Half Men was dramatically cancelled.

The provisionally titled 'Two Hookers and a Half Cut Man' will follow the day to day adventures of a middle aged drunk and his new best friends, a couple of tattooed porn stars.

'It's gonna rock' said Sheen 'I'll play the part of this middle aged drunk dude who has just told his employees to go fuck themselves, so gets himself a couple of the sluttiest bitches the internet has to offer and parties with them until he collapses in pool of his own piss, shit and vomit.'

'It's written by me, produced by me, directed by me and fucking stars me so if anyone disagrees with me then I get to fire their asses.'

'And right now I'm not happy with this script so I'm gonna have a word with that son of a bitch writer.'

'Hey asshole'

'Are you talking to me?'

'I am you'

'Yeah and I'm you too'

'Fuck you'

'Fuck you too'

'You're fired asshole'

'No. You're fired you fuckin' bum'

'FUCK. Looks like I'm out of work again.'

'Fancy a drink?'

'Yeah sure buddy. My round.'

'It's always your round. LET'S PARTY'

Thirty six hours of partying later and Sheen has decided to change the format and title of his new comedy show.

His series will now be based around the adventures of a group of paramedics as they try to revive a comatose drunk who has partied for 2 days and has suffered a major heart attack.

Provisionally titled, 'Two and a Half BPM.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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