Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Friday, 25 February 2011

image for Kristen Stewart's Panties On eBay

Panties purporting to be Kristen Stewart's are fetching prices of more $3,000 on eBay.

But insiders say the unwary buyers are being conned.

Just last week, an unknown buyer coughed up $3,250 for a pair of "Slightly soiled, worn once, open-crotch panties direct from Kristen Stewart's laundry basket. Certificate of authenticity provided."

But Monty Crotchette, Lingerie Keeper for the Kristen Stewart Wardrobe, insists the trolleys are fakes.

"Listen honey, there ain't no way anyone gets their hands on these garments," he said. "Ms Stewart is very particular.

"Ms Stewart deposits her used panties, brasierres, basques, teddies, babydolls into a designated Ottoman every night. They go straight to laundry the following day and I personally carry out an audit when they come back.

"I can assure you, hun, that nothing is missing.

"Even old, discarded foundation items are sent to the boiler room for incineration.

"So somebody is being conned. Flat. End of."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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