Written by Morse
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Thursday, 24 February 2011

image for Judge to Lohan: You Need a New Guardian - Rosie O'Donnell Makes Adoption Offer!
Yes Mr. Disney, You Are Responsible for this Monster Right Down to the Last Freckle!

In what appears to be a match made in, well, let's call it heaven for lack of a better place, Rosie O'Donnell has offered to adopt and mentor troubled star Lindsay Lohan after the Judge in her latest trial has told her she needs to get a new guardian as part of her plea deal.

Lindsay, her bountiful breasts unfettered in a plunging black v-necked Italian sweater, wearing skin tight white jeans, and black 6" stiletto heels pursed her pouty lips as the Judge issued his ultimatum before ordering her back to court March 10 to either accept or reject a plea bargain worked out over her latest melt down, stealing a $2500 necklace from a Hollywood 'bling' store.

Unbeknownst to the Judge, just moments before her arrival, Lindsay was ticketed driving her Maserati 59mph in a 30 mile zone in downtown Hollywood. The sub story here is, why is this woman with several DUI's, who's had her bail revoked, and is set to go to jail for theft, allowed to have a driver's license...otherwise known as a "License to Kill."

Meanwhile, in the courtroom was famed intellectual heavyweight Rosie O'Donnel, fresh off her split with gal pal Tracy Kachtick-Anders with whom she shared living quarters with their combined 10 adopted children.

O'Donnell "had" 4 kids with divorced mate Kelli Carpenter during their 3 years of tumultuous marriage, and is said to now be looking for a love interest replacement, preferably someone young, lithe, impetuous, immature, and with money....in other words, someone just like Lindsay!

Shortly after Rosie approached the court with her offer to be Lindsay's official guardian, a relationship that could lead to "much more" according to O"Donnell, she talked to reporters outside the courthouse.

"I feel so sorry for Lindsay. She's had a tough childhood with no discipline, and she's suffered abuse from her parents who just used her for their own needs. Lindsay just needs someone to 'sit on her' and bring her around....not to mention she should have a 'designated driver', and I'm the person that can fulfill both roles and her spiritual needs!"

Meanwhile, parents Michael and Dina were outside the courthouse in a no parking zone selling "Free Lindsay" tee shirts out of the back of their 1969 Volkswagen bus with the Handicapped sticker hanging from the rear view mirror.

Lindsay's 3 other siblings were chained to the bus with dog collars, and proffering tin cups to passer by's claiming the money was for "The Lindsay Lohan Defense Fund."

Lohan seemed unaware of the drama surrounding her, and left the court for Rodeo Drive to
'pick up a few things' for her next court appearance. Holding up a pair of black fishnet stockings, a 4" mini-skirt and see through top, Lindsay asked, "do you think these will look good on TV?"

Contrary to popular opinion, Walt Disney created MONSTERS!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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