Written by queen mudder

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Thursday, 24 February 2011

image for The Oscars: Heidi the Cross-Eyed Opossum pisses on Nicole Kidman
Let's hope being cross-eyed hasn't blunted Heidi's hunch

Los Angeles - Is a squinty-eyed critter squirting on Nicole Kidman's picture some kind of psychic tip about Oscars Night glory?

Online bookies Aintgottaprayer.con say Yes! and offer 2/1 for the Oz actress to scoop the Academy Award gong.

The opossum's Leipzig zookeepers are right behind clairvoyant cross-eyed Heidi, described as the natural successor to Paul the Psychic Octopus RIP.

Earlier this week the furry little seer picked out Kidman to win the Best Actress award for her Rabbi Hole movie role.

Of the other contenders in the parade Heidi growled menacingly at Natalie Portman (Black Swan) - possibly because in her latest shaven-headed emanation she looks horribly like Cheryl Cole.

Jennifer Lawrence, stars of Winter's Bone, was said to be furious when she heard the news about Heidi and may be a no-show at the weekend's ceremony.

Anette Benning is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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