Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 24 February 2011

image for Christina Aguilera Emails Broken Hearted David Archuleta A Dozen Photos of Her In A Teenie Weenie "String Bikini" To Cheer Him Up
Since being dropped by his record label David Archuleta has had to let his back up band, The Archuletians go.

LA BREA, California - David Archuleta is still devastated at being dropped by his record label Hand Jive Records.

Luckily for Archie, he has a good friend in Christina Aguilera who helped pick up his down-trodden spirits by sending him several sexually explicit text messages.

David told Tittle Tattle Tonight that before he received those 'sext' messages from Chrissy that he was actually thinking of giving up his singing career and moving up to Alaska and going to work on a halibut fishing boat, kind of like the one that was recently featured on Sarah Palin's reality show, Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska.

D-Arch said that he quickly shelved that idea when he realized that having been born in Florida and having lived in California there was no way that he could ever get used to living in a place where the average yearly temperature is 19 degrees.

So he decided to call his new found friend and confidante Christina Aguilera. He spoke with her for about 15 minutes before she told him that she had to get off the phone so she could get ready for her performance at La Chupacabra Convention Center in El Paso.

But before she hung up she told Davey, that to help him feel better she was going to email him a dozen photos of her in a teenie weenie string bikini that she had worn last week while vacationing down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

Archuleta told her that he would appreciate that more than she could ever know. He then asked her if maybe she could hire him to be her opening act.

Christina paused for a moment and then told him that she has signed her current opening act to a contract through May, but that when the band's contract terminates she will consider hiring him.

Aguilera's opening act is a band that hails from Cheyenne, Wyoming, and is known as Joan of Arc's Horse Stable.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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