Written by Lady Godiva
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Monday, 21 February 2011

image for The Monkees to tour Britain for first time in 12 years
Davy Jones - absent from photograph

The Monkees will soon be back in Britain, reuniting for a tour to celebrate their 45th anniversary.

The fact that Justin Beiber will be 'opening' for them is a cleverly thought out ploy by their publicist as most people who followed the Monkees in the '60s are now dead or in nursing homes.

A wheelchair ramp is being designed for easy access to the stage for Davy Jones as he recently fell off his 12" high platform shoes and will be wheelchair bound for the first 6 or 7 concerts. Also the ramp will be available should any elderly female fans wish to 'storm' the stage in wheelchairs or zimmer frames.

Medics will be on hand during all shows and defibrillators will be placed around all concert venues at 3 metre intervals and at each corner of the stage.

Micky is currently working hard with a therapist as he wishes to be on stage unaided by his zimmer frame.

Justin Beiber's manager told our reporter that Justin is preparing to perform for the whole 2 hours should the Monkees find it a 'little too much'.

"Justin's 'part' in the tour is very flexible - it's written into the contract", said his manager. "No-one knows, at this point, the amount of stamina the 'old guys' have left. We are preparing for the worst.

Justin hasn't actually heard of The Monkees so I've been running him hold tapes of their t.v.series so that he gets over the 'giggles' before he meets them. I only allow him to watch one show at a time because he laughs so hard...I'm afraid he'll damage his vocal chords."

Older fans who actually 'make it' to concerts will get a 25% cash refund if they produce their bus-passes with their tickets, at the front desk on arrival at concerts. If they produce birth-certificates too they will get an additional 10% refund for proving they are over 75.

DVD's will be given out as prizes for any fan over 65 who can remember the names of all of the Monkees.

Sounds like the music world is about to be 'livened up' at last.

Hold me back!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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