Written by Bureau
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Saturday, 19 February 2011

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Singer Susan Boyle told police in London that she had been attacked by a man with a foot fetish backstage after a recent performance there.

"I was going to my dressing room and it was late because of several encores so there weren't as many people around as usual and when I opened the door to my makeup room, someone placed a bag over my head and tied a hanky or something over my mouth", stated the Scottish songbird.

"I expected the worst but all this man or rather, person, wanted to do was to lick my toes."

Boyle stated that although she was outraged by this behavior she is very ticklish around her feet.

"So I guess that while he..she was sucking on my toes, anyone who came close heard my loud muffled giggles and backed away."

Boyle stated that her bag was suddenly removed from her head and the gag from her mouth but the lights were off so she didn't see her assailant.

One policeman stated that he sympathized with Boyle because he had a sister who loved licking a foot.

"But she had to settle with six inches when she married me brother-in-law."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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