Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 18 February 2011

image for Lindsay "LaLaLand" Lohan Back In The Arms of Her Boyfriend, Samantha Ronson
Madonna cannot stand Lindsay Lohan or her 'boyfriend' Samantha Ronson. (Photo courtesy of Vice-President Biden).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan, the little lost girl who has most definitely lost her way, does not appear to be anywhere close to finding it.

The troubled starlet who has had more ups and downs than a day care pogo stick was seen dancing the night away with her long time ex-boyfriend Samantha "The Mouth" Ronson.

Lohan had driven up to the Babydoll Club at The Mrs. Teddy Roosevelt Hotel in of all things, a rented dump truck. Lohan's BFF Samantha Ronson arrived twenty minutes later on a rented Harley Davidson motorcycle.

The two lesbianites danced the night away to the sounds of the club band identified as The Illegitimate Children of Attila The Hun.

After Lohan and Ronson, whom Madonna has referred to as "The Canyon Yodelers," finished off their second bottle of Johnny Walker Red they went out into the parking lot and Lilo got on the back of Samantha's rented Harley Davidson and the two headed off towards the Hollywood sign.

A reporter for The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle reported that he saw Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson and that they were making out below the third "O" of the Hollywood sign.

Lindsay Lohan's mother, Dina Lohan was recently asked by 4C reporter Putty Boxbrick if she feels that she is doing enough to help her daughter stay out of trouble.

Mrs. Lohan angrily remarked to Mr. Boxbrick that he had no right to question the way she brings up her daughter since he is a man and he does not know what childbirth, breast feeding, and explaining to a little girl about her period are all about.

Boxbrick looked at Mrs. Lohan and asked, "Lady what the eff are you friggin talking about?...and I now know why your spoiled little freakin brat of a daughter is as spoiled and as freakin as she is since she certainly appears to have gotten the 'all effed up' gene from her effed up mama."

Mrs. Lohan replied with the old Ukrainian children's retort of "You're rubber and I'm glue, what you say to me bounces off me and sticks to you."

Boxbrick shook his head and whispered under his breath, "What an effen work of art this varicose-veined redneck twat is."

Tittle Tattle Tonight is reporting that the warden at The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women is already making arrangements to get Lindsay Lohan's jail cell ready.

Meanwhile in the Land of Charlie Sheen, the male version of Lindsay Lohan, Lucky Chucky is denying the rumor that he recently got a tattoo with the name Michelle Obama tattooed on his wiener.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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