Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 6 June 2011

image for Joe Jonas Offers To Buy Robert Pattinson's Texas Ranch
The weather vane which is located on Robert Pattinson's South Texas Ranch. (Photo courtesy of Eva Longoria).

SAN FRANCISCO - Joe Jonas traveled to The Golden Gate City to relax after a grueling concert tour with his band the Jonas Brothers.

He was relaxing down at the Fisherman's Wharf when he was approached by a reporter for iRumors Summersetter Faxx.

Jonas and Faxx had known each other for sometime as she had been one of the first reporters to report on the young brothers at the very start of their professional music career.

Faxx was actually the first national reporter to write that the Jonas Brothers had taken a vow of celibacy.

She also was the first to break the story of the feud between the Jonas Brothers and the Tannagoosa Family of Kansas City, mobsters who run and control the illegal T-bone steak industry in Kansas.

Summersetter also was the first to report on why exactly it was that the Jonas Brothers had stated that they would never perform in Arizona.

She would later write a followup story stating that they had changed their minds after meeting with their attorney Myron "Moneybags" Goldenmeister and revealed that they would perform in the Desert State but that they would charge a fee that was 300 percent higher than their normal performance fee.

Faxx asked Joe how things were going for him. He replied that things were great and he proudly showed her a royalties check that he had just received from his recording company in the amount of $87,000.

He smiled and told her that he has been saving his 'nickels and dimes' up for quite sometime now and he felt that he was ready to buy that ranch in Texas that he has dreamt about.

He said that he has always wanted his own spread where he and his brothers could go to relax and get away from the hustle and bustle of the music business, screaming girls, and Sarah Palin's constant geographical flubbs.

Joe said that in December of 2010 he first met Robert Pattinson the star of the Twilight series movies at a birthday party that RPattz and K-Stew (Kristen Stewart) had thrown for Vanessa Hudgens' 22nd birthday.

Jonas confided to Faxx that everyone at the party had dressed up like vampires except for Amy Winehouse who did not need to dress up as a vampire as she pretty much looks like one already.

It was at the party that Joe first learned that RPattz was the owner of a 3,175 acre South Texas ranch.

Joe told Faxx that a few days ago he called up Pattinson and invited him to dinner at The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse in Sherman Oaks.

He said that during dinner he mentioned to Rob that he wanted to buy his South Texas ranch. Rob told him that the ranch was not for sale. Jonas asked him how much he had paid for the ranch named El Rancho De La Senorita Loca (The Crazy Young Woman Ranch).

Pattinson said that the ranch was valued at $2.9 million. Jonas offered to buy it sight unseen for $3.4 million.

RPattz paused for a few moments as he took a sip of his Jose Cuervo Tequila. He put the glass down and replied, "Thanks for the generous offer but...no way Jose!"

In other news. Arnold Schwarzenegger is emphatically stating that the rumor that he fathered a child with Cloris Leachman is positively untrue and he wanted it known that he would never have even remotely considered kissing Leachman on the mouth much less doing anything else that would have required them to be naked.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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