Written by Baz Barry
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Topics: Flying

Friday, 18 February 2011

image for Brian McFadden Has a Mile-High Paddy
angry irishman

SYDNEY: Faded singer and part-time talent judge Brian McFadden is incensed at not being charged over a carefully planned incident on an international flight.

McFadden, also known as a constant handbag to Aussie singer Delta Goodrum,is a judge on Australia's Got Talent?. He was reportedly annoyed at not being recognised on the flight from Los Angeles to Sydney despite drinking heavily, smoking and making lewd comments about the cabin crew.

The former singer from boy-band Westlife had to be restrained by his male travelling companion when he removed his trousers and simulated a sexual act with himself while shouting "Look at this. I'm so disgusting. Somebody complain about me for God's sake!"

When his antics failed to draw attention, he invited Mildred Skanke, an 85 year old widow from Fresno, California to perform a lap dance for him. "I thought he was part of the in-flight entertainment", a bemused Mrs. Skanke told reporters at Sydney Airport. "He seemed a nice enough young man, just a little...unsteady".

According to witnesses, McFadden became so frustrated at the lack of interest from other passengers that he lodged a complaint about himself and demanded to be escorted from the flight when it arrived in Sydney.

Australian Federal Police confirmed that a man had been spoken to when the plane landed. However, this was later reported to be a man who wanted to complain about Shane Warne's behaviour during the flight.

Sgt. Reg Warp of the Federal Police stated that "a male Caucasian matching the description of a Mr. Shane Keith Warne was allegedly engaging in slightly annoying behaviour during the flight but this was later determined to be a case of mistaken identity as Mr. Warne was involved in Hurley-burley of a different nature in Melbourne at the time".

McFadden later surrendered to the Federal Officers, claiming to have indecently assaulted three cabin crew members, vomited on several passengers and refused to butt his fag. However,no formal complaints were made and McFadden was reportedly disgusted at not being charged.

A statement released today by the airline described McFadden as "a model passenger" and someone who kept passengers and crew amused with his jovial antics and jolly banter. The airline was quick to point out that had McFadden chosen to sing, the matter would have been viewed more seriously but "fortunately, good taste prevailed".

McFadden was seen leaving the airport in a limousine with his buttocks exposed at the rear window, "Arrest me!" scrawled across them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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