Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 17 February 2011

image for American Idol Gives Tiffany Rios The Most Conceited Contestant In A.I. History The Old 'Heave Ho!'
Tiffany Rios told Ryan Seacrest that she owes her powerful vocal chords to the fact that she eats 6 Big Macs everyday.

HOLLYWOOD - Ryan Seacrest, host of American Idol, told members of the entertainment media covering American Idol's 'Hollywood Group Week' that in the ten years he has been doing the reality singing show he has never seen a more conceited individual than Tiffany Rios.

Seacrest, who is the boyfriend of Dancing With The Stars sexalicious Julianne Hough, remarked that from the very first time that he saw Rios at the AI auditions in Jersey City, New Jersey, he knew that she was conceited as evidenced by the star bra that she was wearing which was engraved with the words: These knockers will soon be the most famous knockers since Dolly Parton's.

During her audition she sang an old Nancy Sinata song, "These Boots Are Made For Walking." But Tiffany took the liberty of changing the lyrics around a bit.

In the song Nancy sang:

These boots are made for walking and that's just what they'll do.
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

And in her version Tiffany sang:

These boobs are made for gawking and that's just what you'll do.
One of these days these boobs are gonna both be on You Tube.

Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson, Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez, and Steven "Lips" Tyler all decided to put the highly overweight Rios through to Hollywood based on her comical interpretation of the Sinatra song.

And when Tiffany got up to sing before the judges and the 300 or so AI hopefuls who were in the Hollywood auditorium, she prefaced her performance by saying that she was tired of people trying to do what she knows that she can do.

The entire audience erupted in a thunderous ovation of boo's. But Tiffany was allowed by the judges to continue on to 'Hollywood Week.'

[EDITOR'S NOTE: TV Clickerworld critic Acktung Zumwalt disclosed that an unnamed inside source had told him that the judges had been asked to put Rios through to the next round because they wanted to inject a bit of controversy into the otherwise sugar-saturated show.]

In her final group (duet) audition with Nashville's Jessica Yantz, the only other singer who would have anything at all to do with Rios, the two sang an old Dionne Warwick song "Do You Know The Way To San Jose?"

The entire audience made up of American Idol hopefuls was laughing behind Tiffany's back as she walked out on stage. Rios, who "The Dawg" estimated stands about 5 feet tall and tips the scales at somewhere around 235, give or take one or two pounds, was dressed in a leopard animal print miniskirt that probably took at least nine leopards to produce.

Even her partner Jessica was laughing at her. A visibly upset Rios asked, "Hey beatch what da frackin hell are you laffin at huh?"

Jessica replied that she was laughing at a monologue joke that she had heard Jay Leno say the night before about Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner going out on a date to a Jack-In-The-Box in Baltimore.

The two started singing their song, but before they could even get anywhere close to San Jose, Randy stopped them. "Yo, yo, yo, dawgs stop!" He said. "Dat is friggin horrible. I mean hell, even Seacrest, who cannot sing a damn note, could put three spoonfuls of peanut butter in his mouth, a domino, and a live guppy, and I betcha that the little twit could sing better than that."

"Thanks Dawg." Seacrest could be heard saying off camera.

"Hey Seacrest, you know what I'm talkin about dude - dammit that was horrendous and Ryan baby it ain't about you bro."

"So can I sing another song then?" Tiffany asked.

"NO!" Shouted Randy. "As it is I'm probably going to have to spend an extra hour with my therapist when I visit her tomorrow just because of you."

Tiffany then said "Well then, how about if you cover you friggin ears and I just sing for Miss Jennifer and that cute lookin hunk of a man Steven Tyler."

Jennifer stood up. "Get the hell out of here now bitch before I have the security guards pepper spray your talentless ass."

Lopez then turned to Steven who looked at Rios and remarked, "What she said Chubs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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