Written by Lady Godiva
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Wednesday, 16 February 2011

image for David Beckham seen house-hunting on The Isle of Wight
Becks tattooing one of his kids.

David Beckham was spotted yesterday on the Isle of Wight. He was seen in Newby village and when approached by two female fans, Bridgette Snodgrass (58) and Millicent Bedlington (59), he admitted he was actually looking for real estate to buy on the Isle.

Apparently, he is a regular reader of The Isle of Wight News and is so 'taken' with the people he has read about that he would like to buy a holiday home on the isle.

David reckons the fact that the islanders are so 'laid back' is the main attraction to him. He said it would be a "luvly place to bring up the kids and se' up a new business - a ta'oo parlour."

Becks has been studying the art of tattooing and has been practicing on his kids saying that the kids chose cartoon characters like Sponge Bob Square Pants and Homer Simpson. When asked if he thinks his kids 'tastes' may change as they get older and they may hate the tattoos and sue him...he said,

"Naw, coz A never changed me tastes when A grew up like. Any'ow A did fink ov i' an' A made 'em all sign waivers."

When asked if he had seen a property he would like to buy he answered,

"Yeah! I quite fancy buying the village of Newby - all of i' . I 'ave a mee'in' wiv the mayor, Mr. Arfur Askme, so gorra dash. Bye."

He quickly signed the two ladies handbags for them with a black marker then jumped into his Range Rover and drove off towards the Mayor's house.

His two fans, members of the Newby Women's Institute dashed off to their meeting to tell other members of their exciting meeting with Becks and show off their signed handbags.

The villagers of Newby have not yet been informed of the possible sale of their village. The mayor has not discussed this 'deal' with anyone.

As the mayor is suffering from early-onset senility - it is believed the deal will NOT go through as he is to be 'sectioned' tomorrow morning.

Someone should tell Becks. He's going to be bitterly disappointed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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