HOLLYWOOD - Former Los Angeles Laker Girl, American Idol judge, and Live To Dance judge Paula Abdul is extremely disappointed and literally devastated as she has just learned that CBS has cancelled her brand new show Live To Dance.
Abdul spoke with the editor of Left Coast Mirror Magazine, Ambrose Appomattox, and told him that she was tremendously shocked that her reality dance competition show was cancelled after barely being on the air for one month.
She said that had she known that the show was going to be cancelled so quickly she would not have awarded the first place finishers D'Angelo and Amanda the $500,000 first prize
Appomattox asked her how she could have kept from doing that. Abdul said that there is a stipulation in the shows rules and regulations that clearly states that if she show is cancelled prior to the first place winners being announced that they would not receive the $500,000 first place prize and would instead each simply receive a nice parting gift.
When asked what the parting gift was, Paula grinned and said that the parting gift was a years membership to the Maksim Chmerkovskiy School of Dance located in Redondo Beach. She noted that the gift had a retail value of $3,120.
Abdul asked Appomattox why he felt that her show had been cancelled. He told her that he was going to be honest with her.
He told her that to begin with the show was immersed in 'niceness.' She as one of the judges never said one negative thing about the dancers other than they needed to practice just a little bit more; well hell even Derek Hough, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and Lacey Schwimmer need to do that.
He told her that she should have tried to be more like Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" Cowell. He informed her that people used to tune in just to hear what "The Viceroy of Venom" was going to say next.
Secondly he stated that hardly anyone could understand the British host Andrew Gunsberg. Appomattox said that other Britishers such as Cat Deely and Len Goodman could be understood, but Gunsberg was another story.
Appomattox also went on about how the host would use English words that American's had never heard much less used such as batty riders (short shorts), gobsmacked (amazed), Alan Whickers (panties), Goolies (balls), beef bayonet (penis), and Blurt (vagina).
And then he said that although she was very pretty, hardly anyone in the USA knew who Kimberly Wyatt (of the Pussycat Dolls was).
He then shook his head and said that he has yet to find anyone, other than a family member who had ever heard of Travis Payne, prior to his appearing on the show.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Travis Payne was Michael Jackson's choreographer who reportedly taught him the moon walk, the Argentine Tango, and the splits.]
Appomattox told Paula that on occasion she would have a tendency of rambling on and suddenly find herself talking about the planet Darkola, the Chinese Counterfeit Chopstick Scandal of 1993, and Pancho Villa's horse, 'El Horsey Boy.'
He disclosed that Paula Abdul was so shook up about the cancellation ordeal that without thinking she called up her ex-husband Emilio Estevez.
She explained to him how upset she was and asked him if he could come over to her Hollywood Hills home and do that erotic little thing to her that he used to do whenever she was depressed during their marriage.
Emilio told her that he was currently involved in a relationship and suggested that she go to her kitchen and get herself a bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass. He then said for her to take it to her bedroom and reach into the bottom drawer of her underwear dresser.
He told her to take out Mr. Happy Electric Boy and go to town.
Emilio Estevez filed for divorce from Paula Abdul in 1994 on grounds of 'Dubia Delagatus De Ponce De Leon De Facto.'