Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 16 February 2011

image for Taylor Lautner Apologizes For Making Lewd Remarks About Kristen Stewart and Vanessa Hudgens
The grill at the world famous La Brea Tar Pits Diner. (Courtesy of The Kirstie Alley Restaruant Photo Collection).

LA BREA - Taylor Lautner was having lunch at the famed La Brea Tar Pits Diner when he was asked why he had made such lewd remarks about Kristen Stewart and Vanessa Hudgens.

Lautner, who is currently dating Lily Collins, the daughter of music icon Gary Collins, replied that it was not really him who had made the remarks.

When asked by Bedroom Pillow Talks' Metzenbaum Kassenbaum, who then was it who had made them, Lautner blushed and replied, that it was his old long time friend from Mexico Jose Cuervo.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: As in Jose Cuervo Tequila who seems to be one 'Hombre' who sure goes around saying a lot of stuff that comes out of the mouths of a lot of guys.]

Metzka (Kassenbaum) asked Lautner if he didn't feel that it was a 'cop out' to blame alcohol for remarks that had come out of his own mouth.

Taylor became somewhat upset and told Kassenbaum that apparently he had not heard him and that it was the friggin tequila that was doing all of the talking and not him.

Lautner hit his fist and said that all he was, was just the effen messenger.

He then told Kassenbaum that he was through talking and that he wanted for him to print in Bedroom Pillow Talk that he was sorry for having made those dumb, stupid, lewd remarks about Krissy and Vanny.

He added that he was just mad that the two had decided to befriend Ron Jeremy and have him convince both of them to appear in his X-rated movie The Twillington Twins Traipse All Over Tokyo.

Lautner said that Jeremy has a reputation for having made over 2,000 porn films and that just because his nickname is "9.75" he thinks that he's better than most other guys.

Ellen DeGeneres revealed on her talk show that Taylor Lautner will soon be traveling to Bombay, India, where he will co-star with Magnolia "The Snapdragon" Finkerbiffin one of the world's leading female porn stars in the Martello Pellagrini film 'Facebook Foreplay - Twitter Taco Tickling.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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