Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: TV, Roseanne

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

image for Roseanne Barr To Return To Television In Her New Sit-Com "I've Got Nuts!"
Roseanne Barr's new situation comedy will be filmed on location in Honolulu, Hawaii. (Photo courtesy of Michelle Obama).

HOLLYWOOD - The comedienne who President Gerald Ford once said was his favorite all-time favorite fat humorist will be returning to the small screen (unless of course one happens to own a big screen TV).

Barr, who was once married to comedy writer Tom Arnold, said that when she was married to Tom it was like living with a ticker tape machine. She said that the fruit salad would never shut up and would even talk 90 miles per hour in his sleep.

Roseanne is noted for having gotten into some big time feuds with the likes of Arsenio Hall, Joan Rivers, the Olsen twins, and Pope John Paul II.

Barr did write in her book, My Effen Book, that Pope John II did call her up and apologized for having remarked on Vatican television that he could not drink enough wine to make Roseanne Arnold look even half-way pretty.

Rosie's new sit-com titled, I've Got Nuts will be filmed in Honolulu, Hawaii, which is where Roseanne lives with her current husband Johnny "The Dipstick" Argent and her son Jake "The Snake" who has a collection of 93 snakes.

In her new comedy show, Barr will appear as Dimples Schmuckington who runs The Macadamia Nuts Home For The Seriously Silly Retired Stand Up Comedians.

Barr is very excited about being given another opportunity especially after her ridiculously stupid fiasco at a baseball game back on July 26, 1990, between the San Diego Padres and the Cincinnati Reds in which she sang (or actually screeched) the Star Spangled Banner way, way off key.

And as if that was not bad enough afterwards she hollered out, "Okay bitches and bastards so lets play some friggin ball" as she spit on the infield grass and grabbed her crotch ala a baseball player.

Roseanne Barr says that she has learned her lesson. She promises that her new show will not include singing, vulgarity, spitting, or hardly any crotch grabbing at all.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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