Written by Charpa93
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Tuesday, 15 February 2011

image for Christina Aguilera Leads Fight to Change America's National Anthem

Christina Aguilera has had enough of the criticism for her flubbing the Star-Spangled Banner during this year's Super Bowl. She claims that only a handful of Americans actually know all the words to the 'incredibly difficult and outdated' song and because of that, she wants to lead a fight to change the song to one that is more singer-friendly.

"It's not like I don't know the words to the National Anthem," says Aguilera. "Heck, I've been singing it since I was a teenager. I just don't think the song is hip enough for me, and I get bored about three or four lines into it. It's kind of a dyslexic patriotic thing I guess," she said.

Aguilera has been doing her homework and claims there are other songs about America or that have something to do with America that would at least bring our national pride into the present century. For instance, she claims that even though the song "A Horse with No Name" isn't particularly patriotic and the words pretty much don't make any sense, it was written and performed by the group America and that's close enough.

But Aguilera admits that choosing the right substitution may be hard, not because the Star-Spangled Banner is such a beloved song, but because most of the songs about America are written and performed by country musicians and for her, that would be a stretch. "I mean, I can't really see myself singing Lee Greenwood's 'Proud to Be an American,' unless, of course, they could find a way to produce it in a more pop-like manner and add maybe a gospel, hand-clapping background to it."

At any rate, Christina Aguilera is on a mission right now to make sure that what happened to her at the Super Bowl doesn't happen to any other singers. "We're better than that, people," she reminds us. "We deserve a national anthem that everyone can sing along to and remember the words. Pride," she says, "can only take us so far before the song gets in the way."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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