Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Tuesday, 15 February 2011

image for Jordan Announcement Sends Rapper Usher Into Hiding
Jordan has Usher in her sights. Apparently.

Rapper Usher was today said to be drawing up emergency plans to avoid limelight junkie Jordan - aka Katie Price - following her announcement that she has a crush on him.

The shock announcement appears in this week's top celeb organ Heat magazine.

Asked at a classy book signing at an Asda supermarket in Milton Keynes who was her top celebrity crush, she answered simply: "Usher."

Ever on the ball, EIF News & Features contacted Usher's people.

A spokesman for the loveable Atlanta, Georgia, rapper, told us: "Hell man - this has got us operating at def con 3!

"Mr Usher has gone to a secret hide-out and has called an urgent meeting of advisers and security personnel.

"I want to make it clear that Mr Usher is confident that he can handle the ladies. But we understand this woman is some kind of monster and is to be avoided at all costs - that Peter Andre was sucked dry, wasn't he?

"Doesn't she have weekly surgery on her boobs? And what's with that orange colour she seems to have?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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