Anxious scenes tonight, as a team of surgeons try to separate Christian Bale from his own overinflated ego. The controversial procedure, known as a Twatendectomy, is only performed in the most severe of cases, when all other interventions have failed. It is believed that things took a turn for the worse, earlier in the day, when Bale's head disappeared up his own rectum, before swelling to an unprecedented size.
As Bale's agent, Bernie Finkleweiner, explains: "We new something was seriously wrong when he[Christian] started to believe his own bullshit. I said 'Christian, Equilibrium wasn't that great a movie' but he wouldn't have it. Then he starts screaming abuse, his ego becomes involved, and then his head, well it becomes lodged in his own anus. It was a horrify sight. How can something so large fit into such a confined space?"
Earlier in the week, an angry volcano of words had erupted between the actor and his ego. With the ego accusing the star of being only a "mediocre talent", with a "weird trans-Atlantic accent", and that it would be "better off without him". It is believed that the ego had intended to pursue a solo career against the actor's wishes.
The following day, Bale hit back at his ego with the followng outburst -"**** him! I ****ing made him! He think's he can manage without me! I'm going to **** him up! I'm going to cut him up into little pieces and skull**** his eyeball! the ****ing Muther****er! Doesn't he know, I'm an actor, and what I do is more important than anything anyone has ever done ever. More important than Ghandi, more important than Charles Darwin, more important Issac Newton and God. **** him! the lying sack of backstabbing ****!"
The world waits for further news.